The Great Warriors Parody!
by Exploding Mentos
Summary: Lionblaze is battling with his greatest enemy, himself. Crowfeather has impregnated every she-cat in the forest. Jayfeather reveals his dark side, no, he's not Darth Vader. Hollyleaf has become suicidal. Cloudtail wants to be a twoleg. And Sandstorm...she's ordinary.


(A/N)- Hey, this was on XxPaNcAkEfAcExX but we forget the login for that so we've re uploaded it on here. Hope you guys like it, this is a spoof and for entertainment purposes only. We do not appreciate reviews, such as "Stupid." because, it's a spoof and not a serious work of fiction. However, we appreciate constructive criticism. A work by Florence and Starfish. Thank you for reading.

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Once upon a time, the Riverclan cats were eating sushi, that they caught in the river, before they ate, they thanked Starclan for putting fully prepared meals in the water. Suddenly, out of the fog that had conveniently surrounded the cats for this part of the story, a golden cat emerged. The Riverclan cats gasped, "Holy cow!" exclaimed the leader, whom the author has forgotten the name of. "What's a cow?" mewed a curious apprentice. "It's yo' momma!" cried another apprentice.

"I-it's a Starclan warrior!" The nameless leader gasped, let's call her Janet. The whole clan turned to face the mysterious cat, not because cared, just for dramatic effect.

"That's not a Starclan warrior!" A warrior exclaimed, "That's-that's…oh HOLY SHIT! IT'S MY ACCIDENTAL CHILD!" He screeched, dropping his sushi and chopsticks on the ground.

"Crowfeather?" The cat who he had been standing next to screamed, "I thought you were Nightclaw! I-I lent you my soy sauce! How could you betray me like this?"

"I must now exit the scene, hover I shall make up an unbelievable lie so that the readers will be entertained! I am going on a car chase!" Crowfeather announced with a panicked tone.

"Why are you in our territory?" Janet squealed.

"I am an on an important mission!" Crowfeather announced, " A mission of such importance that it will jeopardise our clan's future! A mission of such importance that it-"

"You're hiding from Nightcloud aren't you?" Janet interrupted suddenly.

"…yes." He admitted shamefully, "And now I shall continue to play the role of the disinterested father and abandon my child once more! Goodbye Lionblaze!"

A pretty gray she cat looked at him and batted her non existent eyelashes at him.

"…and you too Minnowtail." He scowled and then flounced off.

"Wait." Janet said suddenly, "Lionblaze? What are you doing here?"

"Well." The golden cat started, "I've been standing here for about ten minutes now whilst you all discuss cows and mothers and Crowfeather's non existent secret life as a spy. And during that time, I have lost why I turned up here. Lost it, as I have lost myself. All I have left in the world is pain."

"Why is there fog following you around? And why are you wearing a black emo wig?" A young cat questioned.

"This is not fog." Lionblaze leapt up onto a rock for dramatic emphasis, "This is a band of all of my self loathing, hatred and my inner pain. I am no longer happy. I have stopped taking catnip to get high and am taking lessons on how not to smile from Kristen Stewart."

"You're so hardcore." Hollyleaf put in sadly, emerging from the tunnels.

"I thought you were dead!" Lionblaze said emotionlessly, "The last bit of happiness, destroyed…" He shook his head, his eyes clouding.

"Is this a good time to say…I sent invitations to other clan cats…?" Clover, a new addition to the clan, asked.

"Clover…you idiot-" Janet started before she was cut off by a high pitched screech.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Hollyleaf yelled in distress and pain.

"Yes…" Lionblaze laughed for the first time in many years, even though he had only been alive for one year, "The unhappiness is spreading…"

"CLOVER? HER NAME IS CLOVER?" She screamed in Janet's face.

"I AM A MAN CAT!" Clover wailed, "I am going to get a MANicure because I am a MAN!"

"THIS IS AGAINST THE WARRIOR CODE!" Hollyleaf continued, ignoring the ever-so-manly tantrum that Clover had thrown, "WHY DO WE HAVE THESE RULES IF WE DO NOT LIVE BY THEM? WE ARE WARRIORS SO WE HAVE WARRIOR NAMES! PUT YOUR FRESH KILL ON THE PILE! DO NOT DISRESPECT THE ELDERS! DO NOT CHOKE YOUR BROTHER IN HIS SLEEP! I AM TOLD ALL THESE RULES AND THEN WE DISREGUARD THEM? NO. NO MORE. I. AM. DONE." She ran away crying and leapt off a cliff that the distortion of the warrior world created.

Lionblaze watched as his sister plummeted to the ground and hit the earth with a loud thud. He heard every bone in her body shatter, he heard her pained yowl that was cut short. He stared at her limp, lifeless body. A fire started in his heart, as a fire also consumed his dead sister's body and the sound of terrorist's laughter was heard. How Lionblaze knew what terrorist's laughter sounded like was unknown. He watched as a ganged of scarred cats fled the scene.

"What…" he whispered, "What is this feeling spreading through my body…is it…happiness?" He gasped and sunk slowly to the ground, "There's a fire spreading to through my heart…"

"THAT'S NOT HAPPINESS, IT'S A HEART ATTACK!" Jayfeather screeched.

And the world went black.


End file.
